My friend is sick, but I didn't know that she was ill because she is not a whiner. Unlike so many others we know, she isn't the type to burden you with personal details that you can't change anyway. She will tell you just enough to keep you from scolding her, but she never whines. The only reason that I even mention this today is that it made me remember something else that happened to me.
When my life turned upside down a few years ago, and I was drifting farther and farther away from any fair haven, a curious thing happened. Someone who claims to be a very good friend to me asked why I had not told her that things were so bad. She exclaimed that she had known me for many years and she never had a clue. Hmmmm, how could that happen? How can we pretend to love and cherish someone and not have a clue what they are really going through? Just because we are not whiners...or just because we are really good actors...or maybe it's because we are too embarrassed to let people know that our lives are out of control---whatever the reason, somehow they missed the clues. I think it is high time that we started paying attention.
What would happen if we REALLY listened? Would we hear a tiny little cry for help? Would we recognize a frail voice on the brink of despair? What if we really paid attention to those we say we care about, and then took some action to show our genuine concern.
But, I digress...
Back to this wonderful person who claimed to have my best interests at heart. After repeated questioning, I finally got up the nerve to say, "Perhaps if you had ever given me just a moment to tell you, you would have known. But, in fact, every time you ever called, it was always all about you." I weighed my words carefully before I spoke, but I will never regret them. It was necessary for her to hear them, AND it was just as crucial that I hear them myself, so I that I would be careful not to fall into the same trap that she had---so much self-pity that she rarely recognized any goodness that did come to her.
We need a wake-up call! We need to count our numerous blessings and abhor pity and strife like the plague. Don't misunderstand or misquote me. I am not saying that we should not be compassionate, of course we should. In fact, that is what I am urging. Take time to really listen to what people are saying. You've got that---time, that is. Remember the universal law of seed-time and harvest. Where will the "hearing" ear be for you in your day of trouble if you have not planted seed yourself for an abundant harvest. Fortunately, I have always been surrounded by warm, caring people---especially friends---who have been there for me, so I am able to discount completely, those who are too busy to listen or show any concern or compassion. I don't take it personally anymore. If they don't have time to invest in me by listening when I have something to say, then I simply try to never return the favor. By that I mean that we shouldn't ever pay-back what we've been dealt. Instead, walk in the light and be so very gracious to everyone who seeks your attention---and please, take a little more time this week to contact your family and friends---check up on them---ask them how they are doing and then PAY ATTENTION to what they say. Everyone has so much on their plate right now that it may surprise you what you learn.
My life is less stressful now, in many ways, but it is not perfect, and I am not foolish enough to think that it ever will be. My family is too large and extended and my friends and acquaintances are numerous, so things will never be perfect---everyone's going through something. But, those who try my patience are in their own turmoil and I am not the cause of it, so I choose to avoid unnecessary battle. We cannot avoid conflict---it is inevitable, but war is an option. Choose your battles wisely, and never blow on a spark unless you want a fire!
Let's begin today to help each other, "Get Better Soon." Maybe with a card or a call, a letter or a visit; perhaps a prayer winging its way to One who still has all the answers. Maybe, it's our time they need, and a listening ear and an open heart. Keep a few bucks in your wallet, so you can always say, "hey, you look like you're having a rough day---let me take you to dinner (or a cup of coffee, a walk in the park---you get the picture) and then, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BEGRUDGE THE DECISION! You'll steal your own joy when you do.
By the way, how in the world are you doing? Tell me everything. Because I really care about you.
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