My friend is sick, but I didn't know that she was ill because she is not a whiner. Unlike so many others we know, she isn't the type to burden you with personal details that you can't change anyway. She will tell you just enough to keep you from scolding her, but she never whines. The only reason that I even mention this today is that it made me remember something else that happened to me.
When my life turned upside down a few years ago, and I was drifting farther and farther away from any fair haven, a curious thing happened. Someone who claims to be a very good friend to me asked why I had not told her that things were so bad. She exclaimed that she had known me for many years and she never had a clue. Hmmmm, how could that happen? How can we pretend to love and cherish someone and not have a clue what they are really going through? Just because we are not whiners...or just because we are really good actors...or maybe it's because we are too embarrassed to let people know that our lives are out of control---whatever the reason, somehow they missed the clues. I think it is high time that we started paying attention.
What would happen if we REALLY listened? Would we hear a tiny little cry for help? Would we recognize a frail voice on the brink of despair? What if we really paid attention to those we say we care about, and then took some action to show our genuine concern.
But, I digress...
Back to this wonderful person who claimed to have my best interests at heart. After repeated questioning, I finally got up the nerve to say, "Perhaps if you had ever given me just a moment to tell you, you would have known. But, in fact, every time you ever called, it was always all about you." I weighed my words carefully before I spoke, but I will never regret them. It was necessary for her to hear them, AND it was just as crucial that I hear them myself, so I that I would be careful not to fall into the same trap that she had---so much self-pity that she rarely recognized any goodness that did come to her.
We need a wake-up call! We need to count our numerous blessings and abhor pity and strife like the plague. Don't misunderstand or misquote me. I am not saying that we should not be compassionate, of course we should. In fact, that is what I am urging. Take time to really listen to what people are saying. You've got that---time, that is. Remember the universal law of seed-time and harvest. Where will the "hearing" ear be for you in your day of trouble if you have not planted seed yourself for an abundant harvest. Fortunately, I have always been surrounded by warm, caring people---especially friends---who have been there for me, so I am able to discount completely, those who are too busy to listen or show any concern or compassion. I don't take it personally anymore. If they don't have time to invest in me by listening when I have something to say, then I simply try to never return the favor. By that I mean that we shouldn't ever pay-back what we've been dealt. Instead, walk in the light and be so very gracious to everyone who seeks your attention---and please, take a little more time this week to contact your family and friends---check up on them---ask them how they are doing and then PAY ATTENTION to what they say. Everyone has so much on their plate right now that it may surprise you what you learn.
My life is less stressful now, in many ways, but it is not perfect, and I am not foolish enough to think that it ever will be. My family is too large and extended and my friends and acquaintances are numerous, so things will never be perfect---everyone's going through something. But, those who try my patience are in their own turmoil and I am not the cause of it, so I choose to avoid unnecessary battle. We cannot avoid conflict---it is inevitable, but war is an option. Choose your battles wisely, and never blow on a spark unless you want a fire!
Let's begin today to help each other, "Get Better Soon." Maybe with a card or a call, a letter or a visit; perhaps a prayer winging its way to One who still has all the answers. Maybe, it's our time they need, and a listening ear and an open heart. Keep a few bucks in your wallet, so you can always say, "hey, you look like you're having a rough day---let me take you to dinner (or a cup of coffee, a walk in the park---you get the picture) and then, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BEGRUDGE THE DECISION! You'll steal your own joy when you do.
By the way, how in the world are you doing? Tell me everything. Because I really care about you.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
PLEASE...
For months now, I have been dealing with gradually worsening arthritis pain. My doctor has tried everything and short of replacements (knees, hips) we are just at a point where it's hard to know what to do next.
Then it occurred to her that we could try some physical therapy---you know, kind of teach the old dog some new tricks. My specialist agreed, so the next thing I knew I'm scheduled for an hour three times a week.
Tuesday morning, bright and early, I hobbled into the rehab center at 7:30. The relentless pain makes sleeping nearly impossible, so I was achy AND tired. (I wake up several times during the night, trying to get better situated. God bless my dear husband who has not retreated to the couch yet!)
Now let me tell you this; the atmosphere in this place is very calming. The therapists and their assistants are very kind and understanding. Altogether, it's a charming place. The last thing you would want to do would be to disturb this blessed serenity.
We breezed through the paperwork and registration; the doctor's office had just about everything in place. This was going to be a snap. Maybe I could actually relax a little now. That's the ticket, just r-e-l-a-x.
PLEASE...
My PT takes all the necessary measurements regarding range of mobility, etc.
PLEASE...don't
Next, he explains the stretches we're going to do to teach the muscles how to relax and stop being so tense around the inflamed joints.
PLEASE...don't...let
He even gives me a little diagram (I'm good with pictures) so I can remember, later at home, how to do the stretches. Then one by one, we begin the actual physical demonstration. Wait a minute! You want me to put my right knee WHERE? What do you mean, "Tell me when the pressure is too much..."
PLEASE...don't...let...me...
ARE YOU SERIOUS?! There is no way that part of my leg can touch THAT part of my body! Stretch, pull, stretch, rest---do it again---HOW MANY TIMES?! Oh yes, I do believe this is going to help. Yes, I feel the pressure---just a gentle---pull. Am I ready to do it again?
PLEASE...don't...let...me...TOOT!
Then it occurred to her that we could try some physical therapy---you know, kind of teach the old dog some new tricks. My specialist agreed, so the next thing I knew I'm scheduled for an hour three times a week.
Tuesday morning, bright and early, I hobbled into the rehab center at 7:30. The relentless pain makes sleeping nearly impossible, so I was achy AND tired. (I wake up several times during the night, trying to get better situated. God bless my dear husband who has not retreated to the couch yet!)
Now let me tell you this; the atmosphere in this place is very calming. The therapists and their assistants are very kind and understanding. Altogether, it's a charming place. The last thing you would want to do would be to disturb this blessed serenity.
We breezed through the paperwork and registration; the doctor's office had just about everything in place. This was going to be a snap. Maybe I could actually relax a little now. That's the ticket, just r-e-l-a-x.
PLEASE...
My PT takes all the necessary measurements regarding range of mobility, etc.
PLEASE...don't
Next, he explains the stretches we're going to do to teach the muscles how to relax and stop being so tense around the inflamed joints.
PLEASE...don't...let
He even gives me a little diagram (I'm good with pictures) so I can remember, later at home, how to do the stretches. Then one by one, we begin the actual physical demonstration. Wait a minute! You want me to put my right knee WHERE? What do you mean, "Tell me when the pressure is too much..."
PLEASE...don't...let...me...
ARE YOU SERIOUS?! There is no way that part of my leg can touch THAT part of my body! Stretch, pull, stretch, rest---do it again---HOW MANY TIMES?! Oh yes, I do believe this is going to help. Yes, I feel the pressure---just a gentle---pull. Am I ready to do it again?
PLEASE...don't...let...me...TOOT!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Boats To Build
Everyone has a project going on. Sometimes our projects are related to our hobbies and personal interests, or perhaps we are working on our relationships or career. Nevertheless, we are all working on a project.
Noah was working on a project, too. As I recall, God specifically asked him to take on a task. ("Make thee an ark..." Genesis 6:14 "Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he." Genesis 6:22)
In the coming months, Noah must have suffered ridicule from his neighbors and even his friends because his task seemed so absurd. After all, he was building a giant boat in his front yard! Still, he persisted. Day after weary day, he worked relentlessly toward the goal. Oh, did I mention that he was six-hundred years old at the time? He surely became discouraged at times. Perhaps the progress was so slow that he even wanted to give up completely. Still, he kept on. Month chased month, season pursued season, until eventually, all was ready. How relieved Noah must have felt as large drops of rain pelted his face. The storm was brewing, but he was ready.
Now, fast forward to today: back to work on our projects. But, let's see what we can learn from Noah's experience.
First, once you have personally committed yourself to the project---keep going! No matter what anyone else says or does---just keep going. After all, it's YOUR project. Then, when you do get discouraged, and you will, remember that God kept Noah supplied. He had everything he needed to get the work done. He will supply your needs, as well. ("But my God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19) Only you can slow or stop your success. Keep moving forward. ("Despise not the day of small beginnings..." Zechariah 4:10) Finally, at the end of each day or step in the project, stop and look around and say out loud, "It's good." It doesn't have to be entirely finished yet. ("...and God saw that it was good..." Genesis 1: 10,12,18,21,25,31) Train yourself to inspect your own work and believe that it is good.
So, no matter what the project is, there are certain things we can always do:
*set the overall goal: be very specific---it is harder to measure success when you are vague about the outcome
*break the job down into smaller parts---concentrate on one section at a time (I doubt that Noah was out rounding up animals when he still had boards to bend!)
*be confident and pleased with each level of success
Let's face it. Life is hard and full of difficult situations. But, God is still our helper. As surely as He aided Noah with his project, He will be faithful to help us. We, too, will find everything we need to accomplish the task. Whether it's physical materials such as lumber and nails or simply the courage to pursue our goals, it will surely be supplied. Think about the projects in your own life. Some may have stalled out. Take them out, dust them off, and begin again...let's go people...we've got boats to build!
"I'm gonna build me a boat with these two hands,
It'll be a fair curve from a noble plan---
Let the chips fall, where they will...
I've got boats to build!" (Jimmy Buffett)
Noah was working on a project, too. As I recall, God specifically asked him to take on a task. ("Make thee an ark..." Genesis 6:14 "Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he." Genesis 6:22)
In the coming months, Noah must have suffered ridicule from his neighbors and even his friends because his task seemed so absurd. After all, he was building a giant boat in his front yard! Still, he persisted. Day after weary day, he worked relentlessly toward the goal. Oh, did I mention that he was six-hundred years old at the time? He surely became discouraged at times. Perhaps the progress was so slow that he even wanted to give up completely. Still, he kept on. Month chased month, season pursued season, until eventually, all was ready. How relieved Noah must have felt as large drops of rain pelted his face. The storm was brewing, but he was ready.
Now, fast forward to today: back to work on our projects. But, let's see what we can learn from Noah's experience.
First, once you have personally committed yourself to the project---keep going! No matter what anyone else says or does---just keep going. After all, it's YOUR project. Then, when you do get discouraged, and you will, remember that God kept Noah supplied. He had everything he needed to get the work done. He will supply your needs, as well. ("But my God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19) Only you can slow or stop your success. Keep moving forward. ("Despise not the day of small beginnings..." Zechariah 4:10) Finally, at the end of each day or step in the project, stop and look around and say out loud, "It's good." It doesn't have to be entirely finished yet. ("...and God saw that it was good..." Genesis 1: 10,12,18,21,25,31) Train yourself to inspect your own work and believe that it is good.
So, no matter what the project is, there are certain things we can always do:
*set the overall goal: be very specific---it is harder to measure success when you are vague about the outcome
*break the job down into smaller parts---concentrate on one section at a time (I doubt that Noah was out rounding up animals when he still had boards to bend!)
*be confident and pleased with each level of success
Let's face it. Life is hard and full of difficult situations. But, God is still our helper. As surely as He aided Noah with his project, He will be faithful to help us. We, too, will find everything we need to accomplish the task. Whether it's physical materials such as lumber and nails or simply the courage to pursue our goals, it will surely be supplied. Think about the projects in your own life. Some may have stalled out. Take them out, dust them off, and begin again...let's go people...we've got boats to build!
"I'm gonna build me a boat with these two hands,
It'll be a fair curve from a noble plan---
Let the chips fall, where they will...
I've got boats to build!" (Jimmy Buffett)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Three Little Words
Roger Miller's version of a song (written by Neil Diamond, I believe) got stuck in my head recently. I think the title is "Husbands and Wives." But, I am certain that the lyrics include this line...
"it's my belief...pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives."
I kept thinking about that phrase and suddenly I realized what was bothering me. It was the combination of the three words, 'husbands and wives.' It's as though they were meant to be together...you can't think of one without the other. When a man is being the best husband he can be, it usually follows that his wife is edified and love is rekindled anew toward him. The opposite is obviously true, as well. So what happens to us...why does the flame turn cold..how do we become disinterested?
Perhaps, the answer is in the lyrics, 'pride.' Pride can be a very good thing, but it can also tear down and destroy in minutes what took years to build. I have discovered that there is a remedy to false pride. It can be measured in three little words most of the time. Now, now...don't run ahead. You were probably thinking that the beneficial phrase might be, "I love you." That's a start...a very good start, but it's only therapeutic when spoken in absolute truth! Let's back the train up a bit and examine other combinations that may need to be spoken first.
What about, "I am sorry." Then there's always, "Maybe you're right." "I forgive you," comes to mind. "I appreciate you," lifts the sagging spirit." "Please, don't go." " I was wrong." "I remember when..." "You are amazing."
As you can see, it doesn't take much of an effort to conjure up a 3-word phrase. Maybe we talk too much. Maybe fewer words would actually say more, if they were chosen more carefully. It's just a thought, but I think it's worth thinking about. When we truly appreciate those we love and care about, we should be their champion. Always encouraging and uplifting. It's funny how those things keep coming back around to us. It's the universal law of seedtime and harvest in action. We sow seeds of love and appreciation and eventually we will reap a good harvest.
However, if we continue to plow our relationship fields with pride, bitterness and strife...nothing good can happen. This goes for other less intimate relationships as well. Consider the people around us..."You go first." Or the ones we work with..."I appreciate you."
Yes, I believe that pride might be the chief cause in the decline of a whole lot of good things. Let's resolve to be proactive in turning things around. If you're waiting for someone else to start by complimenting you, maybe that's the problem...maybe, there's too much pride for our own good. Stop saying, "I love you," unless you are willing to attach the actions that prove it! When we choose to work on the most intimate relationship first, all other relationships can only improve, as well.
Paul wrote, "Husbands, love your wives ....and wives, see to it that you reverence (adore) your husbands." [translation is my own] A little bit of pride can go a long way toward destroying great things if it is false pride (thinking too much of ourselves and not enough about others first.)
"You're the best!" "You're so wonderful!" "Thank you, Baby!" "Will you please..." "You thrill me!"
Back to the phrase..."husbands and wives." When you cease to care for one another and stop focusing on the needs of your partner, then you stop being husband and wife...you become something less...some poor relationships fall to the status of roommates...tragic, but true. Don't let pride have a foothold in harmony. The only time pride is allowed in the marriage relationship is when it is directed toward our mate and not ourselves! Look with the eye of memory and recall when you first fell in love with this amazing person, remember when you always wanted to look your best for them, recall fondly the sweet little things you said to each other...in short, take care of the relationship.
Three little words can halt a decline. "I LOVE YOU!" "I really do!" "You are awesome!"
"it's my belief...pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives."
I kept thinking about that phrase and suddenly I realized what was bothering me. It was the combination of the three words, 'husbands and wives.' It's as though they were meant to be together...you can't think of one without the other. When a man is being the best husband he can be, it usually follows that his wife is edified and love is rekindled anew toward him. The opposite is obviously true, as well. So what happens to us...why does the flame turn cold..how do we become disinterested?
Perhaps, the answer is in the lyrics, 'pride.' Pride can be a very good thing, but it can also tear down and destroy in minutes what took years to build. I have discovered that there is a remedy to false pride. It can be measured in three little words most of the time. Now, now...don't run ahead. You were probably thinking that the beneficial phrase might be, "I love you." That's a start...a very good start, but it's only therapeutic when spoken in absolute truth! Let's back the train up a bit and examine other combinations that may need to be spoken first.
What about, "I am sorry." Then there's always, "Maybe you're right." "I forgive you," comes to mind. "I appreciate you," lifts the sagging spirit." "Please, don't go." " I was wrong." "I remember when..." "You are amazing."
As you can see, it doesn't take much of an effort to conjure up a 3-word phrase. Maybe we talk too much. Maybe fewer words would actually say more, if they were chosen more carefully. It's just a thought, but I think it's worth thinking about. When we truly appreciate those we love and care about, we should be their champion. Always encouraging and uplifting. It's funny how those things keep coming back around to us. It's the universal law of seedtime and harvest in action. We sow seeds of love and appreciation and eventually we will reap a good harvest.
However, if we continue to plow our relationship fields with pride, bitterness and strife...nothing good can happen. This goes for other less intimate relationships as well. Consider the people around us..."You go first." Or the ones we work with..."I appreciate you."
Yes, I believe that pride might be the chief cause in the decline of a whole lot of good things. Let's resolve to be proactive in turning things around. If you're waiting for someone else to start by complimenting you, maybe that's the problem...maybe, there's too much pride for our own good. Stop saying, "I love you," unless you are willing to attach the actions that prove it! When we choose to work on the most intimate relationship first, all other relationships can only improve, as well.
Paul wrote, "Husbands, love your wives ....and wives, see to it that you reverence (adore) your husbands." [translation is my own] A little bit of pride can go a long way toward destroying great things if it is false pride (thinking too much of ourselves and not enough about others first.)
"You're the best!" "You're so wonderful!" "Thank you, Baby!" "Will you please..." "You thrill me!"
Back to the phrase..."husbands and wives." When you cease to care for one another and stop focusing on the needs of your partner, then you stop being husband and wife...you become something less...some poor relationships fall to the status of roommates...tragic, but true. Don't let pride have a foothold in harmony. The only time pride is allowed in the marriage relationship is when it is directed toward our mate and not ourselves! Look with the eye of memory and recall when you first fell in love with this amazing person, remember when you always wanted to look your best for them, recall fondly the sweet little things you said to each other...in short, take care of the relationship.
Three little words can halt a decline. "I LOVE YOU!" "I really do!" "You are awesome!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)