Jeopardy Category: "What A Mother Might Say"

When it comes to standard responses, there should be a book written with a special section on things a mother might say.

For example, there is the famous, "Who did this?" The inevitable answer is, "Not me." Well, I don't know who this Notme is, but when I catch up to him, he's gonna be in time-out for about twenty-seven years!

Then, of course, there is the response that comes from seeing little red droplets on the floor in a path that leads from the back door toward the bathroom. But, be careful, this is a tricky one. At first glance, one might pose the more obvious question, "Is this blood?" If I may suggest an alternative, however, there's always, "I KNOW it's blood, but whose is it and why is it here?!"

Try to remain calm when asking, "Why are there muddy hand prints all down the side of the car?" That way you avoid altogether the ensuing search for Notme.

And always check the VCR slot for foreign matter. "Yes, I know that your cheese sandwich will fit in the VCR, but it's for playing movies, not grilling sandwiches."

Eventually, stray animals will just show up in your home. Try to remember that a puppy isn't all that bad after all. "I don't care if Kenny has a little garter snake, we're not getting a python."

Don't forget to listen when your children are asking questions. The answer might be important! "No! You may not hide your baby sister in the clothes dryer."

Speaking of babies, "Who gave the baby my lipstick?" Oops! My bad...no sense launching a search for Notme. Try instead, "How did the baby get my lipstick all over his face?"

And how about this one..."Don't make me come in there." Oh, the list just goes on and on.

But, I guess that my all-time favorite will always be, "Because I'm the Mommy, that's why!" Yep, that's definitely what a mother might say.

Speaking of mothers, I remember a little story.

A mother and her young daughter were running late and arrived at church to find all the back seats taken. As they made their way toward the front, she realized that the only seats left were on the front row. They settled in and after awhile the service came to an end.

The saintly old white-haired minister announced, "Let us pray." Almost every eye was closed. But little Janie was watching the minister intently. With outspread arms, he lifted his face to heaven and began, "Oh, Lord, Creator of heaven and earth...look on us poor sinners with mercy we beseech Thee...remember that we are but dust, frail and weak..."
"Mama," she whispered.
"Shhhh!" said her mother.
"But, Mama..." she persisted.
"Not now, Janie...we're praying."
"But, MAMA! What IS butt-dust?!"

What's a mother to sat to that?!!!!!! So, just remember that when someone is really irritating you or trying to make your life difficult, they probably can't help it...they're BUTT-DUST!